How Long Should you Wait For That First Time?
First off, how soon is too soon? If your new girl is a bit of a floozy, the time may be measured in hours, not weeks, but most likely so will the duration of your relationship. Many women also belt the opposite end of the spectrum and choose abstinence until marriage, or at least that’s what they tell their parents and pastors.
Next, how do you tell if you’ve come across one of these opposite ends of the sexual bell curve?
Let’s examine…
If it’s your first date and after dinner and a couple glasses of merlot you find you are lip-locked with no sign of “wait, stop” in sight, it may just be that the wine went straight to her head and she likes to smooch. If she then asks you back to her place and once inside disrobes either you or herself (or both) with the skill, speed, and tenacity of a half-starved rhesus monkey with a ripe banana, you can assume she has done this before. Note: If she tells you that she’s never done this before, you can bet she has.
So what to do?
Well, if all you’re looking for is a one night stand and a possibly a little herpes on the side, carry on. If not, politely remove her legs from your midsection and insist you hear your mother calling. Then run.
Equally as unsettling for some men is the “wait until marriage,” or “WUM” variety lady. Often, this lady has no doubt been disappointed by many men who insist they respect her wishes while all the while thinking they’ve stumbled upon a great challenge. Note: Beware the wise and seasoned floozy who masquerades as one of these innocent souls. They’ve been known to do that at times to lure unsuspecting prey.
The “WUM” in some opinions is depriving herself of sex. She’s also depriving herself of the worry of an unwanted pregnancy and/or STDs, so many believe this to be a wise choice and rightly so. If your intentions are not as pure as the driven snow, you’ll most likely feel as though you are wasting your time after awhile. If you do not believe that you are ready for marriage, or that you are ready for marriage with her, move on.
That brings us to the oh so specific category of “everyone else.” This is quite a large category to tackle, and no set of rules or tips is going to be foolproof. Or even non-foolproof if you fancy yourself a smartypants.
Some things to remember are;
The relationship you have before having sex is going to be different than the relationship you have afterward. If you have sex too soon, you enter a level of closeness and intimacy with her that may make her feel closer to you than you feel to her. This may lead you to say stupid things like “I don’t want you to get too attached,” or “I have to work early in the morning.” This will cause her to feel alienated and become different than the person she was before you consummated your non-marriage. She’ll either become a clingon (no relation), or become very distant. Either way, too soon is a bad thing.
Equally as bad as too soon, believe it or not, is too late. If you wait until there is absolutely no passion and strong desire between the two of you, you may find that when you just can’t take it anymore and go for it, she blurts out the words that no man wants to hear… “I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.” That means you’ve missed your window, and entered the dreaded Friend Zone. Sorry pal, once in, there’s not much hope for return.
Again we reach that category of “everything else.”
If you’re comfortable around her and she with you enough to know (or at least firmly believe) that the only major change after sex will be that the two of you are naked around each other more often, then by all means go for it. If you have cheese in your fridge older than your relationship, or if you’ve yet to figure out a single thought she’s ever had at any time, it’s best to hold off a little longer.
The biggest clue you can get is achieved in an underused way but it’s actually very easy. Now pay attention here….you can TALK to her about it. It seems silly, but it’s a sure fire way to learn just what’s going on in that pretty little head of hers.
You can even tell her that you are ready to go at any given time, but you’ll leave it up to her to make the first move. This accomplishes several things; it lets her know that you respect her wishes and values, lowers any insecurity she may have about if you’re a player, but also tells her in no uncertain terms that you are full o’ desire and just because you’re not going to pounce, it doesn’t mean that you won’t pounce back the instant she does.
So there you have it. Eight hundred and seventy-eight words overanalyzing what could have been summed up in two: Ask her.
