Ending on a High Note
George tried it in Seinfeld, Seinfeld ended up doing it with his series…but ending on a high note does not only have to be about sitcoms.
Relationships follow a pretty simple pattern. As with most things in life, they have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Unfortunately for many, the end comes as a destructive, painful time. We all know this, and sometimes try to fool ourselves into thinking that we are still somewhere in the middle to avoid having to deal with it.
Some schools of thought will say that your subconscious mind figures out things before your conscious one does, and even then, hesitation, procrastination, and even denial will keep your body around someplace that you know internally you are not happy in anymore. This can for for jobs, relationships, friendships, and jail sentences. The only one you REALLY can’t decide to get out of is the jail sentence. Remember that.
Now, it’s not safe to say that as soon as things seem a little sour you should raise your hand up and say, “Well, I’m outta here.” You still want to be certain that the plane has crashed and it wasn’t just a bit of turbulence.
The thing is, by going out on a high note, with a hefty measure of consideration for your significant other, leaving pride tied up out back, and communicating what you both know to be true, you can still split amicably and not feel you’ve wasted any time at all. Sounds easy, but that pesky pride thing sure does make a habit of interfering.
I remember back in high school, the big “thing” was to be the dumper and not the dumpee. I think that’s where the big pride thing started off. The dumpee then felt like he or she had to win the dumper back or felt compelled to beg for “another chance” and thus tilted the scales of who likes who even more. It never was a pretty sight.
Maybe it’s not even about you two…maybe the timing is just off. If the timing is right for one of you to live happily ever after but not the other, then you will NOT live happily ever after. The best thing you can do is let the little bird go and see if she flies back to you some day. That day may come when you are involved with someone else, and again, the timing won’t be right, or that day may never come at all. But it’s important to realize that it is both possible and common to like someone, or even love someone, and have to call it quits to save both your sanities in the near future.
Say for example you have the perfect job opportunity clear across the country, but she has the perfect job right where you are…do either of you REALLY want to sacrifice that part of your life for the other? Can you do so without resenting your girl or feeling that she was selfish in the future?
Or another example…has one of you recently broken up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, divorced, or the worst case scenario, still married? The timing is more than 99% wrong to begin a new relationship when someone’s heart is not quite all their own. Even if you had some great rebound times together, things are probably not going to last the way they started out. If this is happening to you right now, you already know it… I just wrote it down.
Now, it’s also important to try not to take criticism personally, even though a relationship is just about as personal as you can get. If you tell your soon-to-be ex that she is not outgoing enough, she will take it as an insult. If you say that she is great, but you think you need someone a little more outgoing, you’ve clarified that she’s just fine, just not for you. If she tells you that she just doesn’t think you would be right for her in the long run, let it go. Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” If someone believes inside that you really don’t like her that much, or that you really aren’t “the one,” you never will be.
The good news is that as soon as you free up yourself from your less than compatible other half, you are on the road to neutral. The sooner you are on the road to neutral, the sooner you will become emotionally available again. The sooner you are emotionally available, the sooner you can have the right timing with someone else who may just be the one you were REALLY waiting for all of your life.
If you’re really unsure and afraid you’ll regret ending a relationship, put a little belief in that “meant to be” thing. If it was meant to be with that person, it will come up again. If it wasn’t, it won’t. Or, if you’re not buying that, just remember that no matter what, without someone else, you are still 100%. You survived before that person entered your life, and you’ll survive afterward. You may have been happier with her, but for whatever reason, doubts caused you to end it. If you communicated this openly and without pride or ego causing you to sling mud in her eye, and she did the same with you, there’s one more possibility. Sometimes you can’t see the forest because all the dang trees are in the way. In other words, sometimes if you take a step back and you both realize that you really were in the middle, there’s nothing stopping you from going back.
Remember, to every relationship there is a beginning, a middle and an end. If it wasn’t truly the end even though you thought it was temporarily, you will be able to find yourself comfortably back in the middle again.
It’s never easy to figure out. You can spend many a sleepless night thinking about “what if’s” and “buts,” but the more honest you are with each other (and more importantly with yourself), the greater the chance is that you’ll make the right decision in the long run.
Best of luck. You’ll need it.
